200 Funny Puns for Kids (UPDATED for 2019)

Some of you might think that puns are like double entendres. But to avoid any misconceptions, no it isn’t. First and foremost, puns are usually intended for fun, creativity, and wordplay where double entendres has a wide and broad scope of application apart from being a joke or good humor. Puns usually focus on wordplays, combining two words that sound or spells alike into a new derivation of a word or sometimes just the same, to provide a humorous meaning or your usual funny puns for kids. Double entendres, on the other hand, is one word that gives two or more meanings despite its application.

That is one when comparing the two, most would probably just prefer puns as they are most of the time, funny and creative in their own way. They are also a good way to stimulate or provide a reliable teaser for your brain. It is a good way to get your mind at work, both children and adult. So that’s why we’ve come up with a list or compilation of the best funny puns for kids to keep their mind sharp and active.


Amusing and Funny Puns for Kids


What did one toilet say to the other?

  • You look a bit flushed.


Why was the king’s army too tired to fight?

  • Too many sleepless knights


Why did the picture go to jail?

  • Because it was framed.


What did one wall say to the other wall?

  • I’ll meet you on the corner.


What did the paper say to the pencil?

  • Write on!


What do you call a boy named Lee that no one talks to?

  • Lonely


Why did the spider go to the computer?

  • To check out his website.


Where do polar bears vote?

  • The North Poll


In what way are cards like wolves?

  • They come in packs


What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie?

  • A python!


What was the reporter doing at the ice cream shop?

  • Getting the scoop


What do you call a sleeping bull?

  • A bulldozer


What do baseball players eat on?

  • Home plates!


Were you long in the hospital?

  • No, I was the same size I am always


Why couldn’t the pirate play cards?

  • He was sitting on the deck!


How do you fix a broken tomato?

  • With tomato paste.


Why did the lion spit out the clown?

  • Because he tasted funny


What is purple and 5000 miles long?

  • The Grape Wall of China


Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?

  • He’s all right now


What did the toy store sign say?

  • Don’t feed the animals. They are already stuffed.


A pessimist’s blood type is always B-negative.


What makes the calendar seem so popular?

  • Because it has a lot of dates


Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip into space?

  • He was looking for Pluto


What is it that even the most careful people overlook?

  • Their nose!


Why do you go to bed every night?

  • Because the bed can’t come to you


What kind of car does Mickey Mouse’s wife drive?

  • A Minnie van


How do you comfort a grammar teacher?

  • There, they’re, their.


I’d tell you a chemistry joke, but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.


The king had hidden armies, where did he keep them?

  • Up his sleevies!


What do you call an alligator in a vest?

  • An investigator!


Why are teddy bears never hungry?

  • They are always stuffed.


Why do bicycles fall over?

  • Because they are two tired!


What did Cinderella say when her photos did not show up?

  • Someday my prints will come!


What part of the car is the laziest?

  • The wheels, because they are always tired!


Why did the turkey cross the road?

  • To prove he wasn’t a chicken


What did the laundryman say to the impatient customer?

  • Keep your shirt on


What did one elevator say to the other elevator?

  • I may be coming down with something


Why was everyone so tired on April 1st?

  • They had just finished a March of 31 days


Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?

  • Because then it will be a foot!


How does a lion greet the other animals in the field?

  • Pleased to eat you.


Why did Billy go out with a prune?

  • He couldn’t find a date!


I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.


What do you call a knight who’s afraid to fight?

  • Sir Render


How do turtles talk to each other?

  • By using shell phones!


What gets wetter the more it dries?

  • A towel


Why do dragons sleep during the day?

  • So they can fight knights!


Why was the broom late?

  • It over swept


What did the stamp say to the envelope?

  • Stick with me and we will go places!


Why do some fish live in saltwater?

  • Because pepper makes them sneeze!


What’s the difference between a TV and a newspaper?

  • You can’t kill a fly with your TV


Why was the belt arrested?

  • Because it held up some pants!


Which hand is it better to write with?

  • Neither, it’s better to write with a pen


Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


Did you hear about the robbery last night?

  • Two clothe-pins held up a pair of pants.


Why did the robber take a bath before he stole from the bank?

  • He wanted to make a clean getaway!


Once you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.


It was an emotional wedding.

  • Even the cake was in tiers.


If you don’t pay your exorcist, will you get repossessed?


I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.


The best way to communicate with fish is to drop them a line.


I just walked past a shop that was giving out dead batteries free of charge.


If a judge loves the sound of his own voice, expect a long sentence.


I’ve been learning braille.

  • I’m sure I’ll master it once I get a feel for it.


I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.


I applied for a job at the local restaurant.

  • I’m still waiting.


If Satan ever lost his hair, there would be hell toupee.


I asked my mom to make me a pair of pants.

  • She was happy to, or at least sew it seams.


Don’t drink with ghosts, they can’t handle their boos.


Broken puppets for sale.

  • No strings attached.


I went to a restaurant last night and had the Wookie steak.

  • It was a little Chewy.


When it comes to cosmetic surgery, a lot of people turn their noses up.


Those new corduroy pillows are making headlines.


I thought about becoming a witch, so I tried it for a spell.


I saw an advert that read: “Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.”

  • I thought to myself, I can’t turn that down.


I’m working on a device that will read minds.

  • I’d love to hear your thoughts.


I have a speed bump phobia but I’m slowly getting over it.


My friend made a joke about a TV controller.

  • It wasn’t remotely funny.


Never lie to an x-ray technician.

  • They can see right through you.


What do you call Dracula with hayfever?

  • The Pollen Count.


Some people say I’m addicted to somersaults but that’s just how I roll.


I often say to myself, “I can’t believe that cloning machine worked!”


I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday.

  • I’ll tell you what, never again.


Sue broke her finger today, but on the other hand, she was completely fine.


I was struggling to figure out how lightning works then it struck me.


Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the point?


I asked the lion in my wardrobe what he was doing there, he said it was “Narnia Business”.


I heard a funny joke about a boomerang earlier.

  • I’m sure it’ll come back to me eventually.


Did you know taller people sleep longer in bed?


I knew a couple who met in a revolving door.

  • I think they’re still going round together.


I tried to catch some fog.

  • I mist.


Never marry a tennis player.

  • Love means nothing to them.


My dog can do magic tricks.

  • It’s a labracadabrador.


If you need help building an ark, I Noah guy.


A golf ball is a golf ball no matter how you putt it.


Learning how to collect trash wasn’t that hard, I just picked it up as I went along.


I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises from.

  • Then it dawned on me.


I’m very good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet.

  • I don’t know why.


Never give your uncle an anteater.


Would a cardboard belt be a waist of paper?


Insect puns bug me.


My leaf blower doesn’t work.

  • It sucks.


Whiteboards are remarkable.


How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

  • Ten tickles.


This boy said he was going to hit me with the neck of a guitar.

  • I said, “Is that a fret?”


The person who invented the door knock won the No-bell prize.


Why are teddy bears never hungry?

  • They are always stuffed.


My fear of moving stairs is escalating.


My time machine and I go way back.


People in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones, but the people in Abu Dhabi Doo.


A pet store had a bird contest with no perches necessary.


What do you get when you pour cement on a burglar?

  • A hardened criminal.


My mom just found out that I’ve replaced her bed with a trampoline.

  • She hit the roof.


The other week the cops arrived on the scene to find me upside down in my car.

  • They told me not to be so silly, and to sit properly.


What do you get if you cross a snake and a lego set?

  • A boa constructor.


I had a neck brace fitted years ago and I’ve never looked back since.


When a clock is hungry, does it go back four seconds?


It’s really difficult to find what you want on eBay.

  • I was searching for cigarette lighters and found over 15,000 matches.

I can hear music coming out of my printer.

  • I think the paper’s jammin’ again…


I was going to buy a book on phobias, but I was afraid it wouldn’t help me.


I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory.

  • All I did was take a day off.


Getting paid to sleep would be a dream job.


I don’t trust these stairs.

  • They’re always up to something.


Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda?

  • He was lucky it was a soft drink.


Shout out to everyone wondering what the opposite of “in” is.


Two fish swim into a concrete wall.

  • One turns to the other and says, “Dam!”


I’ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles.

  • My next poop could spell disaster.


I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.

  • Then it hit me.


Never trust atoms, they make up everything.


Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring.

  • The doctor says I’m OK, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.


Someone just stole my mood ring.

  • I’m not sure how I feel about that.


Inspecting mirrors is a job I could really see myself doing.


I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.


What do you call a sleeping bull?

  • A bull-dozer.


How does Moses make his tea?

  • Hebrews it.


A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to hospital.

  • When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, the nurse said: “No change yet”.


When the cannibal showed up late for lunch, the others gave him the cold shoulder.


A man just assaulted me with milk, cream, and butter.

  • How dairy.


My friend’s bakery burned down last night.

  • Now his business is toast.


I’m glad I know sign language, it’s pretty handy.


Did you hear about those new reversible jackets?

  • I’m excited to see how they turn out.


I couldn’t work out how to fasten my seatbelt.

  • Then it clicked.


I really wanted a camouflage shirt, but I couldn’t find one.


My sister was engaged to a man with a wooden leg but she broke it off.


I tried to finish the left-overs but… foiled again…


There was a big paddle sale at the boat store.

  • It was quite an oar deal.


What jumps from cake to cake and smells of almonds?

  • Tarzipan.


Have you ever tried to eat a clock?

  • It’s very time-consuming.


To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing!


My Grandma is having trouble with her new stair lift.

  • It’s driving her up the wall.


There was a recent study that tried to pinpoint the effect that alcohol had on walking.

  • The result was staggering.


I’d tell you my construction joke but I’m still working on it.


The other day a clown held the door open for me.

  • I thought it was a nice jester.


The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my house.

  • I didn’t know what to make of it.


Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth.

  • Then it becomes a soap opera.


Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.


I knew a mathematician who couldn’t afford lunch.

  • He could binomial.


I did so much geometry study today that I’m exhausted.

  • I’m all out of shape.


Mathematicians are sum worshippers.


I got thrown out of math class for one too many infractions.


What did the mermaid wear to math class?

  • An algae-bra.


If a male mathematician sunbathes outside a lot, are they a real tan gent?


Without geometry, life is pointless.


Math puns are the first sine of madness.


Why do math teachers make good dancers?

  • Because they have algorithm.


I haven’t slept for ten days.

  • That would be far too long.


When you dream in color, is it a pigment of your imagination?


People are choosing cremation over traditional burial.

  • It shows that they are thinking out of the box.


Don’t trust people that do acupuncture, they’re back stabbers.


A new type of broom has come out.

  • It is sweeping the nation.


Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants to the game?

  • In case he got a hole in one.


Someone ripped some pages out of both ends of my dictionary today.

  • It just goes from bad to worse!


Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.


If a dog gave birth to puppies near the road would it be cited for littering?


Why can’t a bicycle stand up on its own?

  • Because it is two tired.


Two peanuts are walking down the street.

  • One is assaulted.


If I’m not mistaken, Tippex is pretty useless…


Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.


What’s purple and 5,000 miles long?

  • The Grape Wall of China.


The first time I got a universal remote control I thought to myself “This changes everything.”


Why did the lion spit out the clown?

  • Because he tasted funny.


My Granddad got his tongue shot off in the war but he doesn’t talk about it.


I used to be a baker, but I didn’t make enough dough.


Two antennas met, fell in love and eventually got married.

  • The wedding ceremony wasn’t much but the reception was excellent.


Two silk worms had a race.

  • They ended up in a tie.


You can tell the sex of an ant by dropping it in a bowl of water.

  • If it sinks: girl ant If it floats: boy ant.


I shot someone with a starting gun the other day.

  • I’ve been charged with a race crime.


I’ve just written a song about tortillas.

  • Actually, it’s more of a rap.


What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room?

  • Odor in the court!


Someone threw cheese at me.

  • Real mature!


My dad never loved me as a child.

  • I can’t blame him really. I wasn’t born until he was an adult.


I love Switzerland. I’m not sure what the best thing about it is, but their flag is a big plus.


A book just fell on my head.

  • I’ve only got my shelf to blame.


How do you kill a circus?

  • Go for the juggler.


What does the dentist of the year get?

  • A little plaque.


When I finally worked out the secret to cloning, I was beside myself.


My girlfriend asked me to stop impersonating a flamingo.

  • I had to put my foot down.


I did a theatrical performance about puns.

  • Really it was just a play on words.


Where do polar bears vote?

  • The North Poll.


My sister bet me $100 that I couldn’t build a working car out of spaghetti.

  • You should’ve seen her face as I drove pasta.


You would think that, if you pulled a snail’s shell off, then it would be able to move faster.

  • I tried it, but they seem to be more sluggish.


I left my last girlfriend because she wouldn’t stop counting.

  • I wonder what she’s up to now.


I used to be a train driver but I got sidetracked.


Regular visitors to the dentist are familiar with the drill.


A man ended up in hospital today, covered in wood and hay, with a horse inside him.

  • His condition is described as stable.


Wind turbines.

  • I’m a big fan.


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