Our kids may be little but they are naturally born smart and intellectual. We just have to provide some time to train them to improve their skills and talents as well as keeping their brain functional and stimulated. A good way to do so would be to read them a good jokes for kids or drop of some nice and amusing puns that would give them a good laugh while simultaneously teasing their brain to do some thinking. It is one of the most effective way to discreetly educated them without costing you anything but time and effort. The process is fun, inexpensive, intellectual and a great way to bond with your kids.

Different Fun and Amusing Jokes for Kids

Animal Jokes for Kids

Frog Jokes for Kids

1.

Q: What do you get when you cross a frog with mist?

A: Kermit the Fog.

 

2.

Q: What do amphibians put on their pancakes?

A: Frog cabin syrup.

 

3.

Q: Why did the frog jump on the girl’s head?

A: Her name was Lily.

 

4.

Q: Which day of the week do frogs love most?

A: Flyday.

 

5.

Q: Which year do frogs like the most?

A: Leap year.

 

6.

Q: Which type of frog has horns?

A: Bull frogs.

 

7.

Q: What book do frog parents read to their kids before bedtime?

A: Hop on Pop.

 

8.

Q: What did the frog dress up as on Halloween?

A: The prince.

 

9.

Q: Why couldn’t the frog tell the truth?

A: It’s an am-FIB-ian.

 

10.

Q: Why couldn’t Kermit sing the song?

A: He frogot the words.

 

11.

Q: Where do frogs start their races?

A: From the tad pole position.

 

12.

Q: What do frogs play during recess?

A: Hop-scotch.

 

13.

Q: What do frogs wear when skydiving?

A: Jumpsuits.

 

14.

Q: Where did the frogs leave his hat and coat when he went out to eat?

A: The croakroom.

 

15.

Q: Why are frogs such good basketball players?

A: They always make jump shots.

 

16.

Q: What do you call a frog with a broken leg?

A: Unhoppy

 

17.

Q: Why did the frog go to the hospital?

A: He needed a hopperation.

 

18.

Q: What do you get when you cross frogs with dogs?

A: Croaker spaniels.

 

Q: Who is Kermit’s favorite character in The Hobbit?

A: Frog-o Baggins.

 

19.

Q: What did one frog say to the other?

A: Time’s fun when you’re having flies.

 

20.

Q: What do young frogs do to their pants?

A: Rip-it.

 

Puppy Jokes for Kids

21.

Q: How is a puppy like a coin?

A: It has a head on one side and tail on the other

 

22.

Q: What do they call a silly puppy in the Outback?

A: A dingo-ling

 

23.

Q: Why can’t puppies give high fives?

A: It’s impawsible.

 

24.

Q: Which American city do puppies like the most?

A: New Yorkie

 

25.

Q: Which side of a puppy has the most hair?

A: The outside.

 

26.

Q: What tiny puppy loves bubble baths?

A: A shampoodle

 

27.

Q: What do you call a puppy that digs on the beach?

A: Sandy Paws.

 

28.

Q: What do you call a puppy in a sauna?

A: A hot dog.

 

29.

Q: During which month do puppies cry the least?

A: February – because it’s the shortest month.

 

30.

Q: What do puppies eat for breakfast?

A: Pooched eggs.

 

31.

Q: What do puppies do when they get mad?

A: Puppies don’t get mad…

 

32.

Q: What did the waiter say to the puppy?

A: bone-appetit!

 

33.

Q: If lights run on electricity and buses run on gas, what do puppies run on?

A: Their paws.

 

34.

Q: During what kind of weather is a veterinarian the busiest?

A: When it’s raining cats and dogs!

 

35.

Q: What do you call a really cold puppy?

A: A pupsicle.

 

36.

Q: What do puppies say when they’re happy?

A: Yip-Yip-Yipeee!

 

37.

Q: What do puppies love to eat for dinner?

A: Pupperoni pizza.

 

38.

Q: What didn’t the puppy like to play with the old cat?

A: It was a sour puss.

 

39.

Q: What did the person put a timex on his puppy?

A: He was raising it to be a watch dog.

 

40.

Q: What kind of car do puppies always bark at?

A: The Catillac.

 

Sheep Jokes for Kids

41.

Q: Which American football team do sheep cheer for?

A: The Rams.

 

42.

Q: Why were the sheep so embarrassed?

A: She saw the ranch dressing.

 

43.

Q: Where do sheep go on holiday cruises?

A: To the baaaa-hamas.

 

44.

Q: What do you call it when a sheep falls off a cliff?

A: An Udder-Catastrophe

 

45.

Q: Which show do lambs love to watch?

A: Barn-ey and friends.

 

46.

Q: What do sheep sing for birthdays?

A: Happy birthday to Ewe!

 

47.

Q: Where do we give a lamb a bath?

A: In a baaaa-th tub.

 

48.

Q: What baseball team do sheep and cow cheer for?

A: Flerda Marlins. (flerd is a mixed group of sheep and cows)

 

49.

Q: Where do sheep get haircuts?

A: At the baa-baa shop!

 

50.

Q: What do business sheep read every day?

A: The Wool Street Journal.

 

51.

Q: Why were the sheep eating again?

A: Because he cud.

 

52.

Q: Why don’t sheep remember things you tell them?

A: Because everything goes in one ear and out the udder.

 

53.

Q: Where can you find free wool?

A: On the baa-baa shop floor.

 

54.

Q: What did the young lamb want to be when she grew up?

A: A baa-lerina.

 

55.

Q: How do Mexican sheep say Merry Christmas?

A: Fleece Navidad

 

56.

Q: Who stole the farmer’s hay?

A: A theave. (theave is another name for yearling)

 

57.

Q: Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs?

A: Because the sheep has the udder.

 

58.

Q: What do you say when a skunk sprays a sheep?

A: Peeee-ewe.

 

59.

Q: Which farm animal is always the quietest?

A: A shhhheep.

 

60.

Q: What did the deaf barber say to the sheep?

A: I can’t shear you.

 

Penguin Jokes for Kids

61.

Q: How does a penguin make pancakes?

A: With its flippers.

 

62.

Q: What do penguins have for lunch?

A: Icebergers.

 

63.

Q: Why don’t you see penguins in Britain?

A: Because they’re afraid of Wales.

 

64.

Q: Why did the penguin cross the road?

A: To go with the floe.

 

65.

Q: Where does a penguin go when it loses its tail?

A: A re-tail store.

 

66.

Q: Where does a penguin keep its money?

A: In a snow bank.

 

67.

Q: Which side of a penguin has the most feathers?

A: The outside.

 

68.

Q: Where do penguins go dancing?

A: The snow ball.

 

69.

Q: What is even smarter than a talking penguin?

A: A spelling bee.

 

70.

Q: When a penguin has no money, what does it tell the waiter?

A: Put it on my bill.

 

71.

Q: What do you call a cold penguin?

A: A Brrr-d.

 

72.

Q: What did the penguin say after he went shopping?

A: Put it on my bill.

 

73.

Q: Who’s the head of the penguin navy?

A: Admiral Byrd.

 

74.

Q: Why did the penguin cross the road twice?

A: To prove he wasn’t chicken.

 

75.

Q: Why are penguins good race drivers?

A: Because they’re always in the pole position.

 

76.

Q: What do you get when you cross a penguin and an alligator?

A: I don’t know, but don’t try to hug it!

 

77.

Q: What’s a penguin’s favorite salad?

A: Iceberg lettuce.

 

78.

Q: Where do penguins go to the movies?

A: At the dive-in.

 

79.

Q: What does an evil penguin lay?

A: Deviled eggs.

 

80.

Q: Why did the penguin cross the road?

A: It was the chicken’s day off.

 

Reindeer Jokes for Kids

81.

Q: What Prince album did the Comet and Prancer listen to while they worked out?

A: Purple Rein-deer.

 

82.

Q: What do reindeer eat for breakfast?

A: Deerios.

 

83.

Q: What’s red and green and guides Santa’s sleigh?

A: Rudolph the red-nosed frog.

 

84.

Q: Where do reindeer express their thoughts?

A: In their reindiary.

 

85.

Q: Did Rudolph go to public school?

A: Nope – he was elf-taught.

 

86.

Q: What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?

A: Horn-aments.

 

87.

Q: What happened when Rudolph ate rotten food?

A: He got Reindiarrhea.

 

88.

Q: What did the reindeer say when he won the lottery?

A: Christmas be my lucky day.

 

89.

Q: What’s red and white and gives Christmas presents to gazelles?

A: Santalope.

 

90.

Q: What did Santa say when he stepped into a big puddle?

A: It must have reindheer.

 

91.

Q: Who works construction at the North Pole?

A: The cranedeer.

 

92.

Q: What did the reindeer get when he crossed a bell with a skunk?

A: Jingle smells.

 

93.

Q: How do you make a slow reindeer fast?

A: Stop feeding it.

 

94.

Q: What does Santa’s sleigh team like about rainy days?

A: The reinbows!

 

95.

Q: What did Santa name his two-legged reindeer?

A: Eileen.

 

96.

Q: What’s the smartest type of animal at the North Pole?

A: Braindeer.

 

97.

Q: What do reindeer have that nothing else can have?

A: Baby reindeer.

 

98.

Q: What would a reindeer do if it lost its tail?

A: Go to a re-tail shop for a new one.

 

99.

Q: What do reindeer sing to Santa on cold nights?

A: Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.

 

100.

Q: What did the Deer Queen say to her daughter when she turned 21?

A: It’s your time to Reign deer.

 

Black Cat Jokes for Kids

101.

Q: What makes more noise than an angry black cat?

A: Two angry black cats!

 

102.

Q: If lights run on electricity and cars run on gas, what do cats run on?

A: Their paws.

 

103.

Q: What do black cat use pencil sharpeners for?

A: To keep their claws pointy.

 

104.

Q: What do you call a black cat criminal?

A: A Purr-petrator

 

105.

Q: How is a black cat like a coin?

A: It has a head on one side and tail on the other

 

106.

Q: Why do black cat’s ride with witches on broomsticks?

A: Because it’s quicker than walking.

 

107.

Q: What is a black cat’s favorite color?

A: Purrrrrr-ple.

 

108.

Q: What kind of tests do they give black cats in school?

A: Hex-aminations.

 

109.

Q: Why do black cats make the best pets for witches?

A: Because they are purr-fect.

 

110.

Q: What’s the first thing black cat’s do Halloween morning?

A: They wake up.

 

111.

Q: What did the black cat have for breakfast?

A: Mice Crispies.

 

112.

Q: What do black cats like to eat on hot days?

A: Mice cream cones.

 

113.

Q: Why are black cats so good at Halloween party songs?

A: Because they’re very mewsical.

 

114.

Q: How do black cats eat Halloween candy?

A: With their mouths just like everyone else.

 

115.

Q: Which kind of cats like bowling?

A: Black Alley cats.

 

116.

Q: What animal do witches say make the best pets?

A: Black cats – because they’re purr-fect.

 

117.

Q: What is a black cat’s favorite song?

A: Three Blind Mice.

 

118.

Q: What happened when the black cat ate the clown costume?

A: It felt funny.

 

119.

Q: What looks like half a black cat?

A: The other half.

 

120.

Q: What type of cat has eight legs and swims in the Dead Sea?

A: An octopuss.

 

Chicken Jokes for Kids

121.

Q: Why did the rooster run away?

A: He was chicken.

 

122.

Q: What do chickens serve at birthday parties?

A: Coop cakes.

 

123.

Q: How do monsters like their eggs?

A: Terri-fried.

 

124.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: It came back from his day off and relieved the sheep.

 

125.

Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?

A: The chicken couldn’t be bothered.

 

126.

Q. Why did the elephant cross the road?

A. The chicken couldn’t be bothered.

 

127.

Q. Why did the sheep cross the road?

A. Because the chicken needed a day off.

 

128.

Q: Why do hens lay eggs?

A: Because they break if they drop them.

 

129.

Q: What do you get when you cross a chicken with a duck?

A: A chicken that lays down.

 

130.

Q. Why couldn’t the chicken cross the road?

A. The elephant stepped on it.

 

131.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?

A: To get to the other slide.

 

132.

Q: Where did the chicken grow?

A: On a poultry.

 

133.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?

A: He heard the referee calling fowls.

 

134.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the construction site?

A: To see a person lay a brick.

 

135.

Q: What do chickens grow on?

A: Eggplants.

 

136.

Q: Why did the cactus cross the road?

A: It was stuck to the chicken.

 

137.

Q: What do you call a crazy chicken?

A: A cuckoo cluck.

 

138.

Q. Why did the toad hop across the road?

A. He was following the chicken.

 

139.

Q: Why did the chicken join a band?

A: Because it already had the drumsticks.

 

140.

Q: Why did half the chicken cross the road?

A: To get to its other side.

 

Pig Jokes for Kids

141.

Q: What do pigs dress as on Halloween?

A: Frankenswine

 

142.

Q: How do pigs write secret messages?

A: With invisible oink!

 

143.

Q: What do you get when you cross a pig with a scary dinosaur?

A: A porkasaurus rex!

 

144.

Q: Which Star Wars character was really a pig?

A: Ham Solo

 

145.

Q: How do you fit more pigs on a farm?

A: Put up a sty-scraper

 

146.

Q: What is a pig’s favorite color?

A: MaHOGany

 

147.

Q: Which sport was invented by pigs?

A: Mud wrestling.

 

148.

Q: What do piglets do after school?

A: Their hamwork!

 

149.

Q: What do you call a pig with no legs?

A: A groundhog.

 

150.

Q: What was the pig’s favorite book?

A: Hamlet.

 

151.

Q: Why do pigs bring to the beach?

A: A surfBOARd.

 

152.

Q: What happened when the pig pen broke?

A: They switched to a pencil

 

153.

Q: Why did the pig put a blanket on the ground?

A: To have a pig-nic

 

154.

Q: What’s the difference between bird flu and swine flu?

A: You need tweetment for the bird flu, but you need oink-ment for the swine flu,.

 

155.

Q: What do you call a pig that’s no fun to be around?

A: A boar.

 

156.

Q: What do you call it when you cross a dinosaur with a pig?

A: Jurassic pork!

 

157.

Q: What did the pig say when he got hurt?

A: Call the hambulance!

 

158.

Q: What do you call a pig that wins the lottery?

A: Filthy rich!

 

159.

Q: What move did the karate pig like most?

A: The porkchop!

 

160.

Q: What do pigs call the creation of the Universe?

A: The Pig Bang Theory.

 

Dolphin Jokes for Kids

161.

Q: What country do dolphins like most?

A: Dolph-Finland.

 

162.

Q: Where do women dolphins keep their money?

A: In their octopurse.

 

163.

Q: Why did the two dolphins get married?

A: They were head over fins in love.

 

164.

Q: How does a pod of dolphins make a decision?

A: They Flipper coin.

 

165.

Q: How do did the octupus make the dolphin laugh?

A: With ten-tickles!

 

166.

Q: What do dolphin use for money?

A: Sand dollars!

 

167.

Q: What did Cinderella Dolphin lose?

A: Her glass flipper.

 

168.

Q: How did the dolphin get to the hospital?

A: In a clambulance.

 

169.

Q: Who helps injured dolphins?

A: Sturgeons!

 

170.

Q: Why did the dolphin feel grumpy?

A: He ate too many crabs.

 

171.

Q: Where do dolphins sleep?

A: In water beds.

 

172.

Q: What birthday party game do dolphin like to play?

A: Salmon Says.

 

173.

Q: What do dolphins need to stay healthy?

A: Vitamin Sea.

 

174.

Q: Why don’t dolphin do well on school tests?

A: Because they work below C-Level.

 

175.

Q: What is a dolphin’s favorite game show?

A: Whale of fortune.

 

176.

Q: Why did the dolphin cross the road?

A: To get to the other tide.

 

177.

Q: Did you know that dolphins can also squirt ink?

A: Just Squidding!

 

178.

Q: Do dolphins ever do things by accident?

A: No, they do everything on porpoise.

 

179.

Q: Why don’t dolphins play tennis?

A: Because they’re afraid of the net.

 

180.

Q: If dolphins lived on land, which country would they live in?

A: Finland.

 

Birthday Jokes for Kids

181.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Zeus.
Zeus who?
Zeus see my birthday’s almost here?

 

182.

Q: Why did the man get heartburn after eating his birthday cake?

A: He forgot to remove the candles!

 

183.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Wanda.
Wanda who?
Wanda wish you a very happy birthday

 

184.

Q: What was the average age of a caveman?

A: Stone Age

 

185.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Sue.
Sue who?
Sue-prize!! Happy birthday!

 

186.

Q: What does every birthday end with?

A: The letter Y.

 

187.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Osborn.
Osborn who?
Osborn today – wish me a happy birthday!

 

188.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Abby.
Abby who?
Abby birthday!

 

189.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Omar.
Omar who?
Omar goodness, it’s your birthday?

 

190.

Q: Why are candles lit on top of birthday cakes?

A: It’s impossible to light them on the bottom.

 

191.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Mark.
Mark who?
Mark your calendar, because my birthday’s coming!

 

192.

Q: What did the grumpy birthday candle say at the party?

A: Birthdays burn me up.

 

193.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce come to your birthday party!

 

194.

Q: When would you hit a birthday cake with a hammer?

A: When it’s a pound cake.

 

195.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ivana.
Ivana who?
Ivana piece of birthday cake.

 

196.

Q: Where do you find birthday presents for cats?

A: In a cat-alogue

 

197.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Isthmus.
Isthmuswho?
Isthmus be your birthday!

 

198.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Abbey.
Abbey who?
Abbey birthday to you, Abbey birthday to you…

 

199.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Hippo.
Hippo who?
Hippo birthday to you…

 

200.

Q: Which famous men were born on your birthday?

A: None – only babies are born!

 

201.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gus.
Gus who?
Gus who’s birthday it is today?!

 

202.

Q: What do George Washington, Christopher Columbus and Abraham Lincoln all have in common?

A: They were all born on holidays!

 

203.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Bertha.
Bertha who?
Bertha day greetings to you.

 

204.

Q: Why did the girl feel warm on her birthday?

A: Because people kept toasting her.

 

205.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Bird.
Bird who?
Bird day greetings to you.

 

206.

Q: What does every birthday end with?

A: The letter Y.

207.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Bacon.
Bacon who?
Bacon a cake for your birthday.

 

208.

Q: Why did the boy get a pair of bunny ears as a gift?

A: So he could have a hoppy birthday

 

209.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Art.
Artwho?
Art you going to a birthday party?

 

210.

Q: How do you celebrate Moby Dick’s birthday?

A: With a whale of a party!

 

211.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Alligator.
Alligator who?
Alligator something nice for her birthday.

 

212.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Bacon.
Bacon who?
Bacon a cake for your birthday.

 

213.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Abbie and Mannie.
Abbie and Mannie who?
Abbie birthday and Mannie happy returns.

 

214.

Q: What did the lioness say to her cub on his birthday?

A: It’s roar birthday.

 

215.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Abbey.
Abbey who?
Abbey birthday to you, Abbey birthday to you…

 

216.
Q: Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?

A: Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom

 

217.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Abby.
Abby who?
Abby birthday!

 

218.

Q: What goes up and never comes down?

A: Your age!

 

219.

Q: What kind of birthday cake do elves always ask for?

A: Shortcake.

 

220.

Q: What did the young elephant want for its birthday?

A: A trunkful of toys.

 

221.

Q: Why did Sue’s friends hide from her on her birthday?

A: So she would be sue-prised.

 

222.

Q: Why did the boy put the cake in the freezer?

A: Because he wanted to ice it.

 

223.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Sue.
Sue who?
Sue-prize!! Happy birthday!
224.
Q: Why do we put candles on the top of birthday cakes?
A: You can’t put them on the bottom.
225.
Q: Why are birthday’s good for you?
A: People who have the most live the longest.
226.
Q: Why did the birthday cake want to go to his doctor?
A: He was feeling crumby.
227.
Q: Why did the boy put candles on the toilet?
A: He wanted to have a birthday potty.
229.
Q: What looks like half a birthday cake?
A: The other half.
230.
Q: What do clams do on their birthday?
A: They shellabrate!
231.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gus.
Gus who?
Gus who’s birthday it is today?!
232.
Q: Which side of a birthday cake is never eaten?
A: The left side…
233.
Q: What do George Washington and Abraham Lincoln have in common?
A: They were both born on a holiday.
234.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Mark.
Mark who?
Mark your calendar, because my birthday’s coming!
235.
Q: What do get every birthday?
A: Older!
236.
Q: Birthday Riddle: Which type of birthday candle burns longer, a red candle or aa blue one?
A: Neither, they both only burn shorter.
237.
Q: Did you hear about the pine tree’s birthday?
A: It was really sappy.
238.
Q: What song did they sing to the dancer on her birthday?
A: Tappy birthday to you, tappy birthday to you…
239.
Q: When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
A: When it’s sliced.
240.
Q: What did the hermit crab do on his birthday?
A: He shellabrated.
241.
Q: Why did the boy wear a tuxedo on his birthday?
A: So he would have great presence.
242.
Q: When is a golf ball like a birthday cake?
A: When it’s being sliced.
243.
Q: Why couldn’t cavemen send birthday cards?
A: The stamps kept falling off the rocks
244.
Q: Why did the birthday cake go to see the doctor?
A: Because it was feeling crumby.
245.
Q: What did the cat ask to eat on her birthday?
A: Cake with MICE cream.
246.
Q: What has a long tail, wings and wears a colorful bow?
A: A birthday pheasant.
247.
Q: Why was the birthday cake so hard?
A: It was a marble cake.
248.
Q: Why did the boy stand on his head at the birthday party?
A: He thought they were having upside-down cake
249.
Q: What do you sing to cows on their birthdays?
A: Happy birthday to moo…
250.
Q: What has wings, a plume, and wears a bow?
A: A birthday pheasant.
251.
Q: Which birthday party game do rabbits like most?
A: Musical hares.
252.
Q: Why did the boy get soap for his birthday?
A: It was a soaprize party!

Christmas Jokes for Kids

253.

Q: Where does a snowman keep his money?

A: In a snow bank.

 

254.

Q: Do you ever buy any Christmas Seals?

A: No, I wouldn’t know how to feed them.”

 

255.

Q: What’s a good holiday tip?

A: Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.

 

256.

Q: What did Jack Frost say to Frosty the Snowman?

A: Have an ice day!

 

257.

Q: What do you call a snowman in the summer?

A: A puddle!

 

258.

Q: Why did a snowman send his father to Siberia?

A: Because he wanted frozen pop!

 

259.

Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?

A: Frosted Flakes.

 

260.

Q: How do snowmen greet each other?

A: Ice to meet you!

 

261.

Q: What do you call an old snowman?

A: Water!

 

262.

Q: How does a Snowman get to work?

A: By icicle.

 

263.

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?

A: Frostbite.

 

264.

Q: Why was the snowman’s dog called Frost?

A: Because Frost bites.

 

265.

Q: Why did Frosty have a carrot in his nose?

A: Because he forgot where the refrigerator was.

 

266.

Q: Who doesn’t like to sit in front of the fire?

A: A Snowman.

 

267.

Q: Why are there only snow men and not snow women?

A: Because only men are dumb enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.

 

268.

Q: What did Frosty’s girlfriend give him when she was mad at him?

A: The cold shoulder!

 

269.

Q: What do snowmen wear on their heads?

A: Ice caps.

 

270.

Q: What food do you get when you cross Frosty with a polar bear?

A: A “brrr” – “grrr”!

 

271.

Q: What do you get if cross a snowman and a shark?

A: Frost bite!

 

272.

Q: What else does Frosty eat for breakfast?

A: Frosted Flakes!

 

273.

Q: What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?

A: Lost!

 

274.

Q: What did Frosty call his cow?

A: Eskimoo!

 

275.

Q: Who is Frosty’s favourite Aunt?

A: Aunt Artica!

 

276.

Q: What do you call a Snowman on roller blades?

A: A snowmobile!

 

277.

Q: How many legs does a reindeer have?

A: Six. Forelegs at the front and two at the back!

 

278.

Q: What did the snowman order at McDonalds?

A: Icerbergers with chili sauce!

 

279.

Q: What’s the difference between a cookie and a reindeer?

A: You can’t dunk a reindeer in your tea!

 

280.

Q: How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed?

A: You wake up wet!

 

281.

Q: Where do you find reindeer?

A: It depends on where you leave them!

 

282.

Q: What does Frosty’s wife put on her face at night?

A: Cold cream!

 

283.

Q: If a reindeer lost his tail, where would it go for a new one?

A: A retail shop!

 

284.

Q: What goes ‘oh, oh, oh’?

A: Santa walking backwards!

 

285.

Q: When should you feed reindeer milk to a baby?

A: When it’s a baby reindeer!

 

286.

Q: What does a Snowman take when he gets sick?

A: A chill pill!

 

287.

Q: What does Frosty call ice?

A: Skid stuff!

 

288.

Two snowmen were standing in a field, and one said to the other, ‘Can you smell carrot?’

The second replied, ‘No, but I can taste coal.’

 

289.

Q: What’s the best thing to give your parents for Christmas?

A: A list of everything you want!

 

290.

Q: What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby’s crib?

A: A snowmobile!

 

291.

Q: What kind of cake does Frosty like?

A: One with icing?

 

292.

Q: What do Snowmen call their offspring?

A: Chill-dren.

 

293.

Q: What’s a good holiday tip?

A: Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.

 

294.

Q: Where do Snowmen go to dance?

A: To snowballs.

 

295.

Q: Why did the reindeer wear black boots?

A: Because his brown ones were all muddy!

 

296.

Q: What do snowmen eat for lunch?

A: Icebergers !

 

297.

Q: Why did the reindeer wear sunglasses at the beach?

A: Because he didn’t want to be recognized!

 

298.

Q: What two letters of the alphabet do snowmen prefer?

A: I.C.!

 

299.

Q: How do you call an Eskimo cow?

A: An Eskimoo!

 

300.

Q: What goes…now you see me, now you don’t; now you see me, now you don’t?

A: A snowman on a zebra crossing!

 

301.

Q: How long should a reindeer’s legs be?

A: Just long enough to reach the ground!

 

302.

Q: What happened when the icicle landed on the snowmman’s head?

A: It knocked him out cold.

 

303.

Q: Which reindeer have the shortest legs?

A: The smallest ones!

 

304.

Q: Why do reindeer scratch themselves?

A: Because they’re the only ones who know where they itch!

 

305.

Q: How do snowmen read their e-mails?

A: With an icy-stare!

 

306.

Q: Why don’t mountains get cold in the winter?

A: They wear snow caps.

 

307.

Q: What is a Snowman’s favorite Drink?

A: Ice Tea!

 

308.

Q: What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed?

A: A cookie sheet!

 

309.

Q: What do you sing at a snowman’s birthday party?

A: Freeze a jolly good fellow!

 

310.

Q: What do sheep say to each other at Christmas time?

A: Merry Christmas to ewe!

 

311.

Q: Who are Frosty’s parents?

A: Mom and Pop-Sicle!

 

312.

Q: How do sheep say Merry Christmas in Mexico?

A: Fleece Navidad!

 

313.

Q: What does Frosty eat for breakfast?

A: Snowflakes!

 

314.

Q: Why are Christmas trees such bad knitters?

A: They are always dropping their needles.

 

315.

Q: Where do Frosty and his wife go dancing?

A: Snowballs!

 

316.

Q: Mom, Can I have a dog for Christmas?

A: No you can have turkey like everyone else!

 

317.

Q: What do you get when you cross Frosty with a baker?

A: Frosty the Dough-man!

 

318.

Q: Why does Santa have three gardens?

A: So he can ho ho ho!

 

319.

Q: What’s ice?

A: Skid stuff!

 

320.

Q: What beats his chest and swings from Christmas cake to Christmas cake

A: Tarzipan!

 

321.

Q: What kind of cake does Frosty like?

A: The kind with lots of frosting!

 

322.

Q: Whats the best thing to put into a Christmas cake?

A: Your teeth!

 

323.

Q: What do reindeer say before telling you a joke?

A: This one will sleigh you!

 

324.

Q: What do wild animals sing at Christmas time?

A: Jungle bells, jungle bells, jungle all the way!

 

325.

Q: Why do reindeer wear fur coats?

A: Because they would look silly in plastic macs!

 

326.

Q: What is the best key to get at Christmas?

A: A turkey!

 

327.

Q: How do you make a slow reindeer fast?

A: Don’t feed it!

 

328.

Q: What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmastime?

A: Sandy Claws!

 

329.

Q: What do vampires put on their Christmas turkey?

A: Grave-y.

 

330.

Q: What do you call an elf that steals gift wrap from the rich and gives it to the poor?

A: Ribbon Hood!

 

331.

Q: Why do Mummies like Christmas so much?

A: Because of all the wrapping!

 

332.

Q: What comes at the end of Christmas Day?

A: The letter “Y”!

 

333.

Q: What did the ghost say to Santa Claus?

A: I’ll have a boo Christmas without you.

 

334.

Q: What happens if you eat the Christmas decorations?

A: You get tinsel-itus!

 

335.

Q: Where do mistletoes go to become famous?

A: “Holly” wood!

 

336.

Q: What did the dog breeder get when she crossed an Irish setter with a Pointer at Christmastime?

A: A “pointsetter”!

 

337.

Q: How is the Christmas alphabet different from the ordinary alphabet?

A: The Christmas alphabet has NO EL.

 

338.

Q: What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?

A: It’s Christmas, Eve!

 

339.

Q: What do the elves sing to Santa Claus on his birthday?

A: Freeze a jolly good fellow.

 

340.

Q: Why is it so cold at Christmas?

A: Because it’s in Decembrrrr!

 

341.

Q: We had grandma for Christmas dinner.

A: Really, we had turkey!

 

342.

Q: What’s red, white and blue at Christmas time?

A: A sad candy cane!

 

343.

Knock Knock

Who’s there?

Mary

Mary who?

Mary Christmas

 

344.

Knock Knock

Who’s there?

Snow

Snow who?

Snow business like show business!

 

345.

Knock Knock

Who’s there?

Igloo

Igloo who?

Igloo Suzie like I knew Suzie!

 

346.

Knock Knock

Who’s there?

Wayne

Wayne who?

Wayne in a manger!

 

347.

Knock Knock

Who’s there?

Holly

Holly who?

Holly-days are here again!

 

348.

Knock Knock

Who’s there?

Donut

Donut who?

Donut open till Christmas!

 

349.

Knock Knock

Who’s there?

Avery

Avery who?

Avery merry Christmas!

 

350.

Knock Knock

Who’s there?

Oakham

Oakham who?

Oakham all ye faithfull… !

 

Easter Jokes for Kids

351.

Q: Why was the rabbit upset?

A: She was having a bad hare day!

 

352.

Q: What kind of jewelry does the Easter Bunny wear?

A: 14 carrot gold!

 

353.

Q: What did the Easter egg say to the other Easter egg?

A: Have you heard any good yolks today?

 

354.

Q: What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams?

A: They lived hoppily ever after!

 

355.

Q: What you get if you cross a rabbit with an insect?

A: Bugs Bunny!

 

356.

Q: How does the Easter Bunny stay fit?

A: Egg-xercise!

 

357.

Q: How does Easter end?

A: With a R!

 

358.

Q: What do you call a rabbit that tells good jokes?

A: A funny bunny!

 

359.

Q: Why did the Easter Bunny cross the road?

A: Because the chicken had his eggs!

 

360.

Q: Why shouldn’t you tell an Easter egg a joke?

A: Because it might crack up!

 

361.

Q: Why is the bunny the luckiest animal?

A: Because they have four rabbit’s feet!

 

362.

Q: What did the rabbits do after their wedding?

A: They went on a bunnymoon!

 

363.

Q: What are the Easter Bunny’s favorite stories?

A: The ones with hoppy endings!

 

364.

Q: What do you call a forgetful rabbit?

A: A hare-brain!

 

365.

Q: What is the Easter Bunny’s favorite dance?

A: The bunny hop!

 

366.

Q: Where does the Easter Bunny like to eat breakfast?

A: IHOP

 

367.

Q: How does the Easter Bunny paint all those Easter Eggs?

A: He hires Santa’s elves to help during their off season!

 

368.

Q: How does the Easter Bunny travel?

A: By hare plane!

 

369.

Q: How does a rabbit throw a tantrum?

A: He gets hopping mad!

 

370.

Q: How do you know that carrots are good for your eyes?

A: Have you ever seen a rabbit wear glasses?

 

371.

Q: How do you know the Easter Bunny liked his trip?

A: Because he said it was egg-cellent!

 

372.

Q: Where does the Easter Bunny get his eggs?

A: From an eggplant!

 

373.

Q: Why does Peter Cottontail hop down the bunny trail?

A: Because he is too young to drive!

 

374.

Q: What do you call a bunny with fleas?

A: Bugs Bunny!

 

375.

Q: What do you call a rabbit with the sniffles?

A: A runny bunny!

 

376.

Q: Why do we paint Easter eggs?

A: Because it’s too hard to wallpaper them!

 

377.

Q: What happened to the egg when he was tickled?

A: He cracked up!

 

388.

Q: What kind of beans grow in the Easter Bunny’s garden?

A: Jelly beans!

 

389.

Q: What is the best way to send a letter to the Easter Bunny?

A: Hare mail!

 

390.

Q: What did the father egg do when the mother egg told him a joke?

A: He cracked up!

 

391.

Q: How can you tell where the Easter Bunny has been?

A: Eggs mark the spot!

 

392.

Q: What do you get if you cross a bee and a bunny?

A: A honey bunny!

 

393.

Q: Why did the Easter Bunny hide?

A: Because he was a little chicken!

 

394.

Q: How does the Easter Bunny keep his fur neat?

A: With a hare brush!

 

395.

Q: What did the rabbit say to the carrot?

A: It’s been nice gnawing you!

 

396.

Q: How does the Easter Bunny dry his fur?

A: With a hare dryer!

 

397.

Q: What is the Easter Bunny’s favorite type of music?

A: Hip Hop!

 

398.

Q: How does the Easter Bunny keep his fur shiny?

A: With hare spray!

 

399.

Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a rabbit?

A: An elephant who never forgets to eat his carrots!

 

400.

Knock, Knock

Who’s there?

Some bunny

Some bunny who?

Some bunny has been eating my Easter candy!

 

401.

Knock, Knock

Who’s there?

Easter

Easter Who?

Easter Bunny!

 

402.

Knock, Knock

Who’s there?

Ana

Ana who?

Ana-other Easter Bunny!

 

Summer Jokes for Kids

403.

Q: Which comedian loves going to the beach?

A: Pauly Shore

 

404.

Q: Which season do math teachers like the most?

A: Summer

 

405.

Q: Which fish is the most famous at the beach?

A: Star fish

 

406.

Q: What game do anglers like to play during the summer?

A: Go fish.

 

407.

Q: What do you call a snowman at the beach?

A: A puddle.

 

408.

Q: What did the boy say after a long day at the beach?

A: Mommy, I’m surf bored.

 

409.

Q: What do you call a French man who wears beach sandals?

A: Phillipe Phloppe.

 

410.

Q: What do trains do during the summer?

A: Play beach trolleyball

 

411.

Q: What’s the best day of the week to go to the beach?

A: SUNday

 

412.

Q: What do toads drink on a hot summer days?

A: Ice cold Croak-o-cola.

 

413.

Q: What did the beach say to the people who came back for the summer?

A: Long time no sea.

 

414.

Q: Why did the teacher wear sunglasses to school?

A: Because her students were so bright

 

415.

Q: What is the strongest animal at the beach?

A: The mussels.

 

416.

Q: What do fans do at the summer Olympic Games?

A: Heat waves.

 

417.

Q: What did the pig say while lying out at the beach?

A: I’m bacon

 

418.

Q: How do yellow jackets get to school in the morning?

A: By school buzz

 

419.

Q: What do you call a cat that lives at the beach?

A: Sandy claws.

 

420.

Q: Why did they call the police during the summer beach concert?

A: Something fishy was going on.

 

421.

Q: What kind of sandwiches can you make at the beach?

A: Peanut butter and jellyfish sandwiches.

 

422.

Q: What do sheep do on nice summer days?

A: Go to a baa-baa-cue.

 

423.

Q: What kind of dessert do you serve at a summer beach party?

A: Beach pie.

 

424.

Q: What did the family do when they arrived at the summer breach resort?

A: They shellabrated.

 

425.

Q: What do you call a labrador at the beach in August?

A: A hot dog

 

426.

Q: Where do sheep go for summer vacation?

A: The Baa-hamas

 

427.

Q: What kind of fruit tree grows at the beach?

A: Crab apple trees.

 

428.

Q: What summer vacation spot allows you to bring pet birds?

A: The Canary Islands

 

429.

Q: What did the family do when they arrived at the summer breach resort?

A: They shellabrated.

 

430.

Q: During the summer, when do you go at red and stop at green?

A: When you’re eating a slice of watermelon.

 

431.

Q: Why did they call the police during the summer beach concert?

A: Something fishy was going on.

 

432.

Q: What kind of fruit grows at the beach?

A: Crab apple trees.

 

433.

Q: What do toads drink when they go to the beach?

A: Ice cold Croak-o-cola.

 

434.

Q: What treat do dads like on hot summer days?

A: POPsicles.

 

435.

Q: What do trains do during the summer?

A: Play beach trolleyball

 

436.

Q: What do you call a labrador at the beach in August?

A: A hot dog

 

437.

Q: What did the boy say after a long day at the beach?

A: Mommy, I’m surf bored.

 

438.

Q: Why couldn’t kids go to the new summer pirate movie?

A: Because it was rated ARRRRRRR.

 

439.

Q: What card game do anglers play at the beach?

A: Go fish.

 

440.

Q: What do you call a Hogwarts professor who goes to the beach?

A: A sandwitch

 

441.

Q: Which legendary singer do beach resorts love to host?

A: Dinah Shore

 

442.

Q: What kind of dessert do you serve at a summer beach party?

A: Beach pie.

 

443.

Q: What did one tidal pool say to the other tidal pool?

A: Show me your mussels.

 

444.

Q: What kind of sandwiches can you make at the beach?

A: Peanut butter and jellyfish sandwiches.

 

445.

Q: Why do people swim at salt water beaches?

A: Because a pepper beach would make them sneeze

 

446.

Q: Why was the family so tired after returning from summer vacation?

A: They flew all the way home.

 

447.

Q: What do whales eat for dinner?

A: Fish and ships

 

448.

Q: Why did the gymnast put extra salt on her food?

A: So she could do summer salts.

 

449.

Q: Where does a fish go to borrow money?

A: The loan shark

 

450.

Q: Why did the crab cross the beach?

A: To get to the other tide.

 

451.

Q: Why didn’t the elephant pack a suitcase for summer vacation?

A: Because he uses a trunk.

 

452.

Q: How do you pay the fee to get on a beach?

A: You use sand dollars.

 

453.

Q: Which letter is the coolest during the summer?

A: Iced T.

 

454.

Q: What did the beach say when it saw the tide come in?

A: Long time no sea.

 

455.

Q: Which French artist only painted during the summer?

A: Pierre August Renoir.

 

456.

Q: What do you call a Hogwarts professor who goes to the beach?

A: A sandwitch

 

457.

Q: Why do bananas use sunscreen?

A: They peel when they get sunburn.

 

458.

Q: What happens when you go to the beach and throw your hat in the water?

A: It gets wet!

 

459.

Q: What did the beach say to the people who came back for the summer?

A: Long time no sea.

 

460.

Q: Why didn’t the poodle want to go to the beach?

A: It didn’t want to be a hot dog.

 

461.

Q: Why don’t basketball players go away for summer vacation?

A: They’re afraid they might get called for traveling

 

462.

Q: What do you say when the beach asks you to walk on it?

A: Shore!

 

463.

Q: What’s the best day of the week to go to the beach?

A: SUNday

 

464.

Q: What did the beach say to the surfer?

A: Nothing… it just waved.

 

465.

Q: Where do ants travel to for summer vacation?

A: Frants

 

466.

Q: What do you call the seagulls that live by the Bay?

A: Bagels.

 

467.

Q: What do bright stars drink out of?

A: Sunglasses.

 

468.

Q: What did the bread boy do over summer vacation?

A: He loafed around.

 

469.

Q: Where do cows go for summer vacation?

A: Moo York City.

 

470.

Q: Where do lawyers go for summer vacation?

A: Sue York City.

 

471.

Q: How do pandas keep their dens cool during the summer?

A: They use bear conditioning

 

472.

Q: What summer race can you never run?

A: A swimming race.

 

473.

Q: Where do hammerhead sharks go on summer vacation?

A: Finland

 

474.

Q: What do you call a snowman during the summer?

A: A puddle.

 

475.

Q: Why did the robot go outside on summer days?

A: To recharge his solar batteries.

 

476.

Q: Where do eggs go for summer vacation?

A: New Yolk City

 

477.

Q: What’s black, white and read during the summer?

A: A sunburned zebra.

 

478.

Q: What do you give a really hot puppy?

A: A pupsicle.

 

Winter Jokes for Kids

479.

Q: What did Frosty the Snowman want as a career?

A: To be in snow business.

 

480.

Q: What do you call ten rabbits hopping backwards through the snow together?

A: A receding hare line.

 

481.

Q: How can you farm during the winter?

A: Use a snow plow.

 

482.

Q: What type of diet did the snowman go on?

A: The Meltdown Diet

 

483.

Q: What do you call a snowman party?

A: A snowball

 

484.

Q: Why did the boy keep his trumpet out in the snow?

A: Because he liked cool music.

 

485.

Q: What does a cyclist ride during the winter?

A: An icicle.

 

486.

Q: What did the snowman have for breakfast?

A: Frosted Snowflakes

 

487.

Q: How do you know if there’s a snowman in your bed?

A: You wake up wet!

 

488.

Q: What often falls in the winter but never gets hurt?

A: Snow

 

489.

Q: What do snowmen like to eat for dinner?

A: Icebergs with fries.

 

490.

Q: What do you have in December that you can’t have in any other month?

A: The letter D

 

491.

Q: If the sun shines while it’s snowing, what should you look for?

A: Snowbows.

 

492.

Q: What do Snowmen call their offspring?

A: Chill-dren.

 

493.

Q: Why was the snowman so sad?

A: Because he had a blue Christmas.

 

494.

Q: What food do you get when you cross Frosty with a wolf?

A: A brrrr-grrr.

 

495.

Q: What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

A: Owlgebra.

 

496.

Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?

A: Frosted Flakes.

 

497.

Q: What did Frosty the Snowman and Elvira names their baby?

A: Frost-bite.

 

498.

Q: Where do snowmen keep their money?

A: In a snow bank.

 

499.

Q: How do snowmen greet one another?

A: They say “Ice to meet you”

 

500.

Q: How do you know that a snowman crawled into your bed with you?

A: You wake up wet and there’s a carrot on your pillow.

 

501.

Q: What did the snowman say to his customer?

A: Have an ice day.

 

502.

Q: What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?

A: An ice burger extra cheese.

 

503.

Q: What’s an ig?

A: A snow house without a loo. (Loo is a word for bathroom)

 

504.

Q: How does a penguin build a house?

A: Igloos it together.

 

505.

Q: What did the ski hat say to the ski scarf?

A: You hang around while I go on ahead.

 

506.

Q: What do snowmen wear on their heads?

A: Ice caps.

 

507.

Q: Why is the slippery ice like music?

A: If you don’t C sharp – you’ll B flat.

 

508.

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

A: Frostbite.

 

509.

Q: What does a grownup snowmen call younger snowmen?

A: Chill-dren.

 

510.

Q: What’s a good winter tip?

A: Never catch snowflakes on your tongue until all the birds have flown south for the winter.

 

511.

Q: Who is Frosty’s favorite Aunt?

A: Aunt Arctica.

 

512.

Q: How did Jack Frost get to work?

A: By icicle.

 

513.

Q: What do you call a snowman in August?

A: A puddle.

 

514.

Q: What does Frosty the Snowman like to put on his icebergers?

A: Chilly sauce.

 

515.

Q: What do you get when you cross Frosty with a baker?

A: Frosty the Dough-man.

 

516.

Q: What can you catch in the winter with your eyes closed?

A: A cold.

 

517.

Q: What kind of ball doesn’t bounce?

A: A snowball.

 

518.

Q: What do snowmen do on Christmas?

A: Play with the snow angels.

 

519.

Q: What is a Snowman’s favorite Drink?

A: Ice Tea.

 

520.

Q: What’s it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum?

A: A meltdown.

 

521.

Q: How do you know if there’s a snowman in your freezer?

A: He’s still there!

 

522.

Q: What kind of mug does a snowman use for his root beer?

A: A frosted one.

 

523.

Q: What did the big furry hat say to the warm woolly scarf?

A: “You hang around while I go on ahead.”

 

524.

Q: What’s white and goes up?

A: A confused snowflake.

 

525.

Q: How do you keep from getting cold feet during the winter?

A: Don’t walk around BRRRRfooted.

 

526.

Q: Where did the snowman keep his money?

A: In a snowbank.

 

527.

Q: Which winter months do people sleep the least?

A: February

 

528.

Q: What is a snowman’s favorite snack?

A: Ice Krispy treats.

 

529.

Q: What did the icy road say to the truck?

A: Want to go for a spin?

 

530.

Q: Where do snowmen go to dance?

A: The snowball.

 

531.

Q: What did the snowman order at Wendy’s?

A Frosty

 

532.

Q: When are your eyes not eyes?

A: When the winter wind makes them water.

 

533.

Q: What’s the difference between a Christmas alphabet and the regular alphabet?

A: The Christmas alphabet has Noel.

 

534.

Q: What do women put on their faces during the winter?

A: Cold cream.

 

535.

Q: How was the snow globe feeling after the scary story?

A: A little shaken.

 

536.

Q: How do you scare a snowman?

A: Pull out a hairdryer.

 

537.

Knock, knock

Who’s there?

Atch

Atch who?

Bless you.

 

538.

Knock, knock

Who’s there?

Scold

Scold who?

Scold outside.

 

539.

Knock, knock

Who’s there?

Icy

Icy who?

Icy you.

 

540.

Knock, knock

Who’s there?

Snow

Snow who?

Snow use. I forgot my name again.

 

541.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Snow.

Snow who?

Snowbody.

 

542.

Knock, knock

Who’s there?

Snow

Snow who?

Snow laughing matter.

 

Valentine Jokes for Kids

543.

Q: What did the man with the broken leg say to his Valentine?

A: I’ve got a crutch on you.

 

544.

Q: Why did the man send his wife’s Valentine through twitter?

A: Because she is his tweetheart.

 

545.

Q: Why do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day?

A: They’re very scent-imental.

 

546.

Q: What Valentine’s Day candy is only for girls?

A: HER-SHE’s Kisses.

 

547.

Q: Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy?

A: It was Valenswine’s Day.

 

548.

Q: What kind of Valentine’s Day candy is never on time?

A: ChocoLATE

 

549.

Q: What did the Valentine’s Day card say to the stamp?

A: Stick with me and you’ll go places

 

550.

Q: What did Pilgrims give each other on Valentine’s Day?

A: Mayflowers

 

551.

Q: Why did the banana go out with the prune?

A: Because it couldn’t get a date.

 

552.

Q: What did one snake say to the other snake?

A: Give me a little hug and a hiss, honey.

 

553.

Q: What did the boy sheep say to the girl sheep on Valentine’s Day?

A: You’re not so baaaa-d.

 

554.

Q: What did cavemen give their wives on Valentine’s Day?

A: Lots of hugs and kisses.

 

555.

Q: What did the boy sheep say to the girl sheep on Valentine’s Day?

A: I love ewe.

 

556.

Q: What’s the best part of Valentine’s Day?

A: The day after when all the chocolate goes on sale.

 

557.

Q: What did the boy bee say to the girl bee on Valentine’s Day?

A: You are bee-utiful.

 

558.

Q: What food is crazy about Valentine’s Day chocolates?

A: A cocoa-nut.

 

559.

Q: Why is Valentine’s Day a great day for a party?

A: Because you can party hearty.

 

560.

Q: What was the French cat’s favorite Valentine’s Day dessert?

A: Chocolate mousse

 

561.

Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day?

A: I’m stuck on you.

 

562.

Q: What did the drum say to the other drum on Valentine’s Day?

A: My heart beats for you.

 

563.

Q: What did one piece of string say to the other on February 14th?

A: “Be my valentwine.”

 

564.

Q: What do you call a very small Valentine?

A: A valentiny.

 

565.

Q: What did the drum say to the other drum on Valentine’s Day?

A: My heart beats for you.

 

566.

Q: What did the calculator say to the pencil on Valentine’s Day?

A: You can always count on me.

 

567.

Q: Did you hear about the blind porcupine?

A: He fell in love with a pin cushion.

 

568.

Q: What did the light bulb say to the other light bulb on Valentine’s Day?

A: I love you a watt.

 

569.

Q: What do farmers give their wives on Valentine’s Day?

A: Lots of hogs and kisses.

 

570.

Q: Why didn’t the skeleton want to send any Valentine’s Day cards?

A: His heart wasn’t in it.

 

571.

Q: What did one doorbell say to the other on February 14th?

A: “Be my valenchime.”

 

572.

Q: Where do hamburgers take their sweethearts on Valentine’s Day to dance?

A: To the meatball.

 

573.

Q: Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable?

A: Because it’s got heart.

 

574.

Q: What did the blueberry say to his wife on Valentine’s Day?

A: I love you berry much.

 

575.

Q: Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

A: Because he wanted sweet dreams.

 

576.

Q: What did the Valentine’s Day card say to the stamp?

A: Stick with me and you’ll go places.

 

577.

Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine’s Day?

A: Forget-me-nuts.

 

578.

Q: Why do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day?

A: Because they’re scent-imental.

 

579.

Q: What kind of flowers do you never give on Valentine’s Day?

A: Cauliflowers.

 

580.

Q: What do you call two birds in love?

A: Tweethearts.

 

581.

Q: What did the bat say to his girlfriend?

A: “You’re fun to hang around with.”

 

582.

Q: Why did the boy put clothes on the valentine’s card he was sending?

A: He thought they needed to be ad-dressed.

 

583.

Q: What did one calculator say to the other on Valentine’s Day?

A: “How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.”

 

584.

Q: What did the girl bumble bee say to the boy bumble bee on Valentine’s Day?

A: I love bee-ing with you, Honey.

 

585.

Q: What did the whipped cream say to the ice cream on Valentine’s Day?

A: I’m sweet on you.

 

586.

Q: How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

A: He gave her a ring.

 

587.

Q: What did the ghost say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?

A: By my valenslime

 

588.

Q: What did the girl squirrel say to the boy squirrel on Valentine’s Day?

A: I’m nuts about you.

 

589.

Q: What did the pencil say to the paper?

A: I dot my i’s on you.

 

590.

Q: What did the pickle say to his Valentine?

A: You mean a great dill to me.

 

591.

Q: What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?

A: Can I hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand?

 

592.

Q: What happened when the two angels got married?

A: They lived harpily ever after.

 

593.

Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine’s Day?

A: Forget-me-nuts.

 

594.

Q: What is the most romantic city in England?

A: Loverpool.

 

595.

Q: What did the girl cat say to the boy cat on Valentine’s Day?

A: You’re purrr-fect for me.

 

596.

Q: What is a ram’s favorite song on February 14th?

A: I only have eyes for ewe, dear.

 

597.

Q: What did the rabbit say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?

A: Somebunny loves you.

 

598.

Q: What does a carpet salesman give his wife for Valentine’s Day?

A: Rugs and kisses.

 

599.

Q: Why didn’t the scarecrow want to go to the Valentine’s Day dance?

A: His heart wasn’t in it.

 

600.

Q: What happened when the two tennis players met?

A: It was lob at first sight.

 

601.

Q: What did the circle say to the triangle on Valentine’s Day?

A: I think you’re acute.

 

602.

Q: What did Frankenstein say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?

A: Be my Valenstein.

 

603.

Q: Why did they put the boy’s girlfriend in jail?

A: Because she stole his heart.

 

604.

Q: What did the vampire call his sweetheart?

A: His ghoul-friend.

 

605.

Q: What did the whale say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?

A: Whale you be mine?

 

606.

Q: What do you get when you kiss a dragon on Valentine’s Day?

A: Third degree burns on your lips.

 

607.

Q: What’s the best part about Valentine’s Day?

A: The next day when all the chocolate goes on sale.

 

608.

Q: What did the French chef give his wife for Valentine’s Day?

A: A hug and a quiche.

 

609.

Q: What did the elephant say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?

A: I love you a ton.

 

610.

Q: What did the painter say to his girlfriend?

A: “I love you with all my art.”

 

611.

Q: Did you hear about the man who promised his girlfriend a diamond for Valentine’s Day?

A: He took her to a baseball park.

 

612.

Q: What do you get when you cross a dog with a valentine card?

A: A card that says “I love you drool-ly”

 

613.

Q: What did the bat say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?

A: Let’s hang out.

 

614.

Q: What did the boy bear say to the girl bear on Valentine’s Day?

A: I love you beary much.

 

615.

Q: What did the boy cat say to the girl cat on Valentine’s Day?

A: You’re purr-fect for me.

 

616.

Q: What does someone who loves their car do on February 14?

A: They give it a valenshine.

 

617.

Q: What did the boy owl say to the girl owl on Valentine’s Day?

A: Owl be yours.

 

618.

Q: Why do Valentines have hearts on them?

A: Because gall bladders would look pretty yucky.

 

619.

Q: What did the girl sheep say to the boy sheep on Valentine’s Day?

A: I love you baaaaaaack.

 

620.

Q: What did one volcano say to the other on Valentine’s Day?

A: I lava you.

 

621.

Knock Knock

Who’s there?

Atlas

Atlas who?

Atlas, it’s Valentine’s Day.

 

622.

Knock Knock

Who’s there?

Bea.

Bea who?

Bea my Valentine.

 

623.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Alec.

Alec who?

Alec to kiss your cheek.

 

624.

Knock Knock

Who’s there?

Emma

Emma who?

Emma hoping I get lots of cards on Valentine’s Day.

 

625.

Knock Knock

Who’s there?

Al

Al who?

Al be your Valentine if you’ll be mine.

 

626.

Knock Knock

Who’s there?

Frank

Frank who?

Frank you for being my friend.

 

627.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Howard.

Howard who?

Howard you like to be my Valentine?

 

Pirate Jokes for Kids

628.

Q: Which baseball team did Blue Beard play for?

A: The Pittsburg Pirates.

 

629.

Q: Why was it so hard to call the pirate on the phone?

A: Because he left the phone off the hook.

 

630.

Q: Where do pirates park their ships?

A: In the harrrrrrbor.

 

631.

Q: Why do pirates love Thanksgiving?

A: They get to carrrrrve the turkey.

 

632.

Q: What did the pirate’s parrot say when it fell in love with a duck?

A: Polly wants a quacker.

 

633.

Q: Where do pirates like to shop?

A: They are easy tarrrrrrget.

 

634.

Q: What did the pirate do the day before Halloween?

A: Mow his front yarrrrrd.

 

635.

Q: Why instrument did the pirate play in his band?

A: The guitarrrrrr.

 

636.

Q: Where do pirates buy pencils and sketch pads?

A: The arrrrrrrt store.

 

637.

Q: Why did the pirate like playing golf?

A: He was always under parrrrrrr.

 

638.

Q: What did the pirate say during a Halloween snow storm?

A: Shiver me timbers.

 

639.

Q: What exercise do pirates use to tighten their abs?

A: Planks.

 

640.

Q: What are pirate children afraid of?

A: The darrrrrrrrrrk.

 

641.

Q: What book series do pirates love to read?

A: The Harrrrrrrrdy Boys.

 

642.

Q: Which countries do pirates like most?

A: Aaarrrgh-entina

 

643.

Q: What are the only notes a pirate can sing?

A: High C’s.

 

644.

Q: When do pirates buy their Halloween costumes?

A: When they’re on sail.

 

645.

Q: Why did the pirate move to Russia?

A: To become a Czarrrrrrr.

 

646.

Q: Where do Pirates call when they break their peg leg?

A: The Carrrrrrpenter.

 

647.

Q: Which two football teams played in the pirate superbowl?

A: The Seahawks and the Bucaneers.

 

648.

Q: Which fish do pirates love the most?

A: Swordfish.

 

649.

Q: Why couldn’t the pirate play cards?

A: Because he was sitting on the deck.

 

650.

Q: What do pirate put on their toast?

A: Jelly Roger.

 

651.

Q: How much did the pirate’s peg leg and hook cost?

A: An arm and a leg.

 

652.

Q: Where do pirates keep their Halloween candy?

A: In a Jarrrrrrr.

 

653.

Q: What do pirates do after going trick or treating with the kids?

A: Go to the barrrrr and play carrrrrds.

 

654.

Q: what was the pirate’s favorite school subject?

A: Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt.

 

655.

Q: What do pirates order at Italian restaurants?

A: Chicken Parrrrrmesan with spaghetti.

 

656.

Q: What do pirates eat on cold winter nights?

A: Hearrrrrrrrrty stews.

 

657.

Q: Why were the pirate friends with Donkey kong?

A: He was barrrrrels of fun.

 

658.

Q: Which football team did Black Beard play for?

A: The Tampa Bay Buccaneers

 

659.

Q: What was the pirate’s favorite U.S state?

A: Arrrrkansas

 

660.

Q: How much do pirates charge to pierce someone’s ears?

A: A buck an ear.

 

661.

Q: What’s a pirate’s favorite movie?

A: Booty and the Beast.

 

662.

Q: Why are pirate costumes so cool on Halloween?

A: They just arrrrrrrrrrrrr.

 

663.

Q: What job did the pirate have during the winter?

A: He was an arrrrrrrtist.

 

664.

Q: Why did the caged pirate dress up as a lawyer?

A: To pass through the barrrs.

 

665.

Q: Why did the pirate go to acting school?

A: He wanted a parrrrrrt in the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie.

 

666.

Q: What did the pirate say during the winter storm?

A: Thar she snows!

 

667.

Q: Where do pirates put their trash?

A: The Garrrrrrrrrrrbage can.

 

668.

Q: What was the pirate’s favorite Halloween noise maker?

A: Parrrrrrty poppers.

 

669.

Q: What do you get when you cross a pirate’s parrot with a shark?

A: An animal that can talk your head off.

 

670.

Q: Why do pirates always win Halloween dance contests?

A: They know how to shake their booties.

 

671.

Q: Why did the pirate give up the game of golf?

A: He kept hooking the ball.

 

672.

Q: Why don’t pirates go trick or treating on Halloween?

A: They arrrrrrrrrr afraid of witches.

 

673.

Q: What is a pirate’s favorite color?

A: Gold!

 

674.

Q: What was the pirate’s favorite food?

A: Arrrrrtichokes.

 

675.

Q: What do they call a pirate who skips school?

A: Captain Hooky

 

676.

Q: What does a gourmet pirate add to the plate to make it look nice?

A: A Garrrrrrr-nish.

 

677.

Q: What the worst thing about cleaning a pirate ship?

A: The barrrrrrnacles.

 

678.

Q: What is a pirate’s favorite doll?

A: Barrrrrrrrrrbie.

 

679.

Q: What restaurant do pirates like to eat at the most?

A: The Harrrrrrd Rock Cafe.

 

680.

Q: What a pirates afraid of on Halloween?

A: The darrrrrrrk.

 

681.

Q: How much does a pirate’s treasure cost?

A: An arm and a leg.

 

682.

Q: Which Halloween candy does pirates like most?

A: Sweet Tarrrrrrrts.

 

683.

Q: Which pirate movies can’t kids go to see?

A: The ones that are rated Arrrrrrrr.

 

684.

Q: What shivers at the bottom of the ocean?

A: A nervous wreck

 

685.

Q: Where do pirates go for their haircuts?

A: To the barrrrrber.

 

686.

Q: What game did the pirate’s parrot always want to play?

A: Hide and speak.

 

687.

Q: What was the pirate’s favorite mode of land transportation?

A: Carrrrrrr.

 

688.

Q: How did the pirate stop computer hackers?

A: He installed a patch.

 

689.

Q: How do you save a drowning pirate?

A: With C-P-ARRRRRRRRR.

 

690.

Q: Where did the pirate put his Halloween decorations?

A: In his front yarrrrrrrd.

 

691.

Q: What do you call a pirate’s hair style?

A: A crew cut

 

692.

Q: Why didn’t the pirate eat his Halloween candy?

A: He was on a low carrrrrrrrrrrb diet.

 

693.

Q: How did the pirate become a lawyer?

A: He passed the barrrrrrr exam.

 

694.

Q: How do pirates get down from a ship’s mast?

A: They can’t – you only get down from a goose.

 

695.

Q: Which restaurant did the bucaneer go out to for dinner?

A: Long John Silver’s.

 

696.

Q: What was the name of the pirate’s spotted dog?

A: Patches.

 

697.

Q: Which letter do pirates like best?

A: Arrrrrrrr.

 

698.

Q: Which famous pirate was always sad?

A: Captain Blue Beard.

 

699.

Q: What was the pirate’s second job?

A: an arrrrrrchitect.

 

700.

Q: Which famous pirate caught the most fish?

A: Captain Hook.

 

701.

Q: Why should you never take a pea from a pirate?

A: He becomes irate.

 

702.

Q: What’s a pirate’s favorite basketball move?

A: The hook shot.

 

703.

Q: What’s a pirate’s favorite punch?

A: Left hook.

 

704.

Q: Why are pirates called pirates?

A: Just ’cause they arrrrrr.

 

705.

Q: Which Star Wars character does pirates like the most?

A: Aarrrrggh-2-D-2

 

706.

Q: Why was the pirate ship so cheap?

A: It was on sail.

 

707.

Q: What was the pirate captain’s favorite restaurant?

A: Jolly Roger

 

708.

Q: Why was the pirate afraid of getting old?

A: He might get arrrrrrthritus.

 

709.

Q: What do pirates do on Black Friday?

A: Shop the sails.

 

710.

Q: Why did the pirate cross the road?

A: To get to the second-hand shop.

 

711.

Q: What are a pirate’s favorite letters of the alphabet?

A: Arrrrrrr and Sea (R and C)

 

712.

Q: What is a buccaneer?

A: A high price to pay for corn.

 

713.

Q: Why did the pirate go on vacation?

A: To get some ARRRR and ARRRR.

 

714.

Q: What was the name of Blackbeard’s wife?

A: Peg.

 

715.

Q: What do pirates think happens at the end of time?

A: Arrrrmageddon.

 

716.

Q: What do pirates do for fun?

A: Have parrrrrrrrrties.

 

717.

Q: Which fast food restaurants do pirates like the most?

A: Arrrrrr-by’s

 

718.

Q: How do pirates make their money?

A: By hook or by crook.

 

719.

Q: What soda do pirates always drink?

A: Arrrrrrr Sea cola (RC Cola)

 

720.

Q: Where do pirates keep their cookies?

A: The cookie jarrrrrrr.

 

721.

Q: What style of food do pirates like the most?

A: Barrrrrrrr-B-Que.

 

722.

Q: What do you call a pirate with three eyes?

A: A piiirate

 

723.

Q: What kind of socks do pirates wear?

A: Arrrrgghyle socks.

 

724.

Q: Where do pirates put their cars while they’re sailing?

A: A parrrrrrrrrking lot

 

725.

Q: What is a buccaneer?

A: A high price to pay for corn.

 

726.

Q: What job did the pirate have after he retired?

A: He became an arrrrrrchitect

 

Santa Jokes for Kids

727.

Q: What does Frosty the Snowman hang on his Christmas tree?

A: Icicles!

 

728.

Q: What goes oh, oh, oh?

A: Santa Claus walking backwards!

 

729.

Q: What’s the best thing to give your parents for the holidays?

A: A list of everything you want!

 

730.

Q: What goes oh, oh, oh?

A: Santa Claus walking backwards!

 

731.

Q: Why did Santa cross the road?

A: To deliver presents!

 

732.

Q: How do you know Santa Claus is good at karate?

A: He has a black belt!

 

733.

Q: Who’s black and white and says “HO, HO, HO?”

A: A penguin in disguise!

 

734.

Q:  What is something black, white and red all over?

A: Santa Claus after he comes down the chimney!

 

735.

Q: Why does Santa use reindeer to pull his sleigh?

A: Because moose can’t fly!

 

736.

Q: What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa Claus when she looked up in the sky?

A: Looks like rain, dear!

 

737.

Q: What’s Santa’s dog’s name?

A: Santa Paws!

 

738.

Q: Why does Santa Claus like to work in the garden?

A: Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe!

 

739.

Q: What’s a big as Santa but weighs nothing?

A: Santa’s shadow!

 

740.

Q: Which one of Santa’s reindeer has bad manners?

A: Rude-alph!

 

741.

Q: Why did Santa put a clock in his sleigh?

A: Because he wanted to see time fly!

 

742.

Q What is a monkey’s favorite Christmas carol?

A: Jungle Bells!

 

743.

Q:  What’s invisible and smells like milk and cookies?

A: Santa’s burps!

 

744.

Q: What do elves learn at school?

A: The elf-abet!

 

745.

Q: If Frosty the Snowman married a vampire, what would they name their first child?

A: Frostbite!

 

746.

Q: What kinds of bug hates Christmas?

A: A humbug!

 

747.

Q: What’s red and shakes like a bowl full of jelly?

A: Strawberry Jell-O, silly!

 

748.

Q: What did the reindeer say to the elf?

A: Nothing silly, reindeer can’t talk!

 

749.

Q: Why does Santa have elves in his workshop?

A: Because the Seven Dwarfs were busy!

 

750.

Q: What comes at the end of Christmas Day?

A: A Y!

 

751.

Q: Why was Santa angry at Christmas?

A: Because of the Grinch who Stole Christmas!

 

752.

Q: What did the mouse give the other mouse for Christmas?

A: A Christ-mouse card!

 

753.

Q: When does a reindeer have a trunk?

A: When he goes on vacation!

 

754.

Q: Where did the mistletoe go to become famous?

A: Holly-wood

 

755.

Q: What is Count Dracula’s Christmas story?

A: The fright before Christmas!

 

756.

Q: What did the Christmas tree say to the ornament?

A: Did you get tired of hanging around!

 

757.

Q: What do you have in December that you don’t have in any other month?

A: The letter D!

 

758.

Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?

A: Frosted Flakes!

 

759.

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

A: Frostbite!

 

760.

Q: Where does a snowman keep his money?

A: In a snow bank!

 

761.

Knock, knock

Who’s there?

Snow

Snow who?

Snow use I’ve forgotten my name!

 

762.

Knock, Knock

Who’s there?

Yule

Yule who?

Yule have fun during the holidays!

 

763.

Knock, Knock

Who’s there?

Irish

Irish who?

Irish you a Merry Christmas!

 

764.

Knock, Knock

Who’s there?

Orange

Orange who?

Orange you glad you were good all year?

 

765.

Knock, Knock

Who’s there?

Hope

Hope who?

Hope you had a nice holiday!

 

Math Jokes for Kids

766.

Q: Why didn’t the two 4’s want to eat dinner?

A: Because they already 8.

 

767.

Q: What geometric figure is like a lost parrot?

A: A polygon.

 

768.

Q: Why did the student do her multiplication on the floor?

A: Because she wasn’t allowed to use tables.

 

769.

Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?

A: Pumpkin pi

 

770.

Q: Why did the teacher write the math problem on the window?

A: He wanted it to be very clear.

 

771.

Q: Why do plants hate math?

A: Because it gives them square roots.

 

772.

Q: Why did the student do multiplication problems on the floor?

A: The teacher told him not to use tables.

 

773.

Q: What does the zero say to the eight?

A: Nice belt. (Look at the number 8)

 

774.

Q: Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?

A: They already 8 (ate).

 

775.

Q: What did the acorn say when it grew up?

A: Gee, I’m a tree. (Geometry)

 

776.

Q: Why did the boy eat his math homework?

A: Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake.

 

777.

Q: What is a math teacher’s favorite season?

A: Sum-mer.

 

778.

Q: What did the math book say to the history book?

A: You know you can count on me.

 

779.

Q: What do mathematicians eat on Halloween?

A: Pumpkin Pi.

 

780.

Q: Why didn’t the quarter roll down the hill with the nickel?

A: Because it had more cents.

 

781.

Q: Why did the girl wear glasses during math class?

A: Because it improves di-vison.

 

782.

Q: What do inches follow?

A: The ruler.

 

783.

Q: Why did the math book look so sad?

A: Because it had so many problems.

 

784.

Q: What are 20 things you can always count on?

A: Your fingers and toes

 

785.

Q: What did the math book say to the psychiatrist?

A: Please help me, I have problems.

 

786.

Q: Matt had 60 cookies. He ate 30 of them. What does he have now?

A: A tummy ache.

 

787.

Q. If 2’s company and 3’s a crowd, then what is 4 and 5?

A: 4 and 5 is 9.

 

788.

Q: Why was 8 not friends with 3?

A: Because 3 was odd.

 

789.

Q: When I ask this question, I want you to answer quickly. How much is 5 plus 3?

A: I said I wanted you to answer “Quickly”

 

790.

Q: What kind of tree do math teachers like most?

A: Geome-tree

 

791.

Q: Have you heard the latest statistics joke?

A: Probably.

 

792.

Q. Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long?

A: Because then it would be a foot.

 

793.

Q: What was T. rex’s favorite number?

A: Eight (ate)

 

794.

Q. What table can’t you eat at?

A: The multiplication table.

 

795.

Q: What’s the king of the pencil case?

A. The ruler.

 

796.

Q. What gets bigger the more you take away?

A: A hole.

 

797.

Q: What do you call an empty parrot cage?

A: Polygon.

 

798.

Q: What snakes are good at doing sums?

A: Adders (the sum is what you get when you add numbers)

 

799.

Q: What do you get when you cross a person with a calculator?

A: Someone you can always count on.

 

800.

Q: How can you make time fly?

A: Throw a clock out the window.

 

801.

Q: Why did the right triangle put the air conditioner on?

A: Because it was 90 degrees.

 

802.

Q: Do you know a statistics joke?

A: Probably, but it’s mean

 

803.

Q: What are ten things you can always count on?

A: Your fingers.

 

804.

Q: Why was the math book sad?

A: Because it had too many problems

 

805.

Q: How many seconds are there in a year?

A: 12 – January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd…

 

806.

Q: What kind of meals do math teachers eat?

A: Square meals

 

807.

Q: How do cows add?

A: With cow-culators.

 

808.

Q: What is a mathematician’s favorite dessert?

A: Pi

 

809.

Q: What do you call two friends who love math?

A: Algebros

 

810.

Q: How can you make seven even?

A: Take away the “S”

 

811.

Q: What did the spelling book say to the math book?

A: I know I can count on you.

 

812.

Q: What kind of meals do math teachers eat?

A: Square meals!

 

813.

Q: Why was the geometry book so adorable?

A: Because it had acute angles.

 

814.

Q: What is a math teacher’s favorite sum?

A: Summer.

 

815.

Q: How do cows reach sums?

A: By adding one number to an udder one.

 

816.

Q: What U.S. state has the most maths teachers?

A: Mathachussets.

 

817.

Q: Why did the geometry teacher miss class?

A: Because he sprained his angle.

 

818.

Q: What did the triangle say to the circle?

A: You’re pointless.

 

819.

Q: What is the difference between an old dime and a new nickle?

A: 5 cents.

 

820.

Q: Heard about the mathematical plant?

A: It has square roots.

 

821.

Q: Why did the two 4’s skip dinner?

A: They already 8.

 

822.

Q: What do you get when you cross a math teacher with a clock?

A: Mathema-ticks.

 

823.

Q: If you have 50-cents in one pocket and $1 in the other, what do you have?

A: Enough to buy ice cream.

 

824.

Q: What do you call numbera that can’t stay still?

A: Roamin’ numerals.

 

825.

Q: Where do math teachers go on New Year’s Eve?

A: Times Square

 

826.

Q: What was the caterpillar’s favorite school subject?

A: Mothematics.

 

827.

Q: Why don’t you do arithmetic around lions?

A: Because if you add 4 and 4 you get ate.

 

828.

Q: What did the circle say to the rectangle?

A: You’re such a square.

 

829.

Q: How many times can you take 5 from 25?

A: Once. After that, you would be taking 5 from 20.

 

830.

Q: Which tables don’t students need to study?

A: Dinner tables.

 

831.

Q: When is a fraction not a fraction?

A: When it’s a whole.

 

832.

Q: What do you get when you cross a math teacher with a tree?

A: Arithma-sticks.

 

833.

Q: Why was the boy searching for after a rain storm?

A: He heard it rained an inch and three quarters — and was looking for the three quarters!

 

834.

Q: Why was the obtuse angle so upset?

A: Because it was never right.

 

835.

Q: What do you get when you add 4 apples and 2 apples?

A: A 2nd grade math problem.

 

836.

Q: Why was the warlock so bad at math?

A: He never knew WITCH equation to use.

 

837.

Q: What did the girl say to her math book?

A: Someday, you’re going to have to solve your own problems.

 

838.

Q: What did the algebra book say to the science book?

A: Boy, do I have problems!

 

839.

Q: What’s snack is the most popular among teachers in Maine?

A: Whoopie Pi.

 

840.

Q: What number can only go up?

A: Your age.

 

841.

Q: Why was the snake so good at math?

A: He was an Adder.

 

842.

Q: Why couldn’t the 6 and 11 get married?

A: They were under 18.

 

843.

Q: How do you make one vanish?

A: Add a ‘G’ to the beginning and it’s gone.

 

844.

Q: What is heavier, a pound of feathers or a pound of cotton?

A: Neither, they both weight a pound.

 

845.

Q: Why is glue bad at Math?

A: It always gets stuck on the problems.

 

846.

Q: Why shouldn’t you say 288 in school?

A: Because it’s two gross. (Hint: 144 is called a gross)

 

847.

Q: What tool do you use in math?

A: Multi-plyers.

 

848.

Q: Where do multiplication problems eat breakfast?

A: At times tables.

 

849.

Q: What is the most popular dessert for teachers in Georgia?

A: Peach pi.

 

850.

Q: What do you get when you divide the circumference of a Jack-o-lantern by its diameter?

A: Pumpkin Pi.

 

851.

Q: What did the circle tell on the tangent line?

A: Because it kept touching him.

 

852.

Q: Why didn’t the dime roll down the hill with the nickel?

A: Because it had more cents.

 

853.

Q: How many women were born in the year 2008?

A: None, only babies were born?

 

854.

Q: Why did the math book get poor grades?

A: It never did its own work.

 

855.

Q: What was the weather like when the right angle went swimming?

A: It was 90 degrees.

 

856.

Q: If 1 = 5, 2 = 25, 3 = 125, and 4 = 525 – what is 5 equal to?

A: 1

 

857.

Q: What part of your body solves Math problems?

A: Your add-em’s apple.

 

858.

Q: What’s black and white and has lots of problems?

A: A math test.

 

859.

Q: What did the calculator say to the girl?

A: I’ll solve all your problems!

 

860.

Q: Why did the boy keep a ruler under his pillow?

A: To see how long he could sleep.

 

861.

Q: How can you make 1 dime equal 20-cents?

A: By placing it in front of the mirror.

 

862.

Q: Why did the student eat her math homework?

A: Because she heard it was a piece of cake.

 

863.

Teacher: What’s 2 and 2?

Student: 4

Teacher: That’s good.

Student: Good? That’s perfect!

 

864.

Knock Knock

Who’s there?

Algy

Algy who?

Algy-bra

 

Pokemon Jokes for Kids

865.

Q: Where do Haunters go on vacation?

A: Mali-boo.

 

866.

Q: Where did Brock take Nurse Joy for a date?

A: The PokeBall

 

867.

Q: What does Beartic like to have for lunch?

A: Ice burgers.

 

868.

Q: What appears over Ash’s head when he gets an idea?

A: A LightBulbasaur

 

869.

Q: What do Haunters eat for lunch?

A: Boo-logna sandwiches

 

870.

Q: What do you call a storm of Pokemon?

A: A Pokemonsoon!

 

871.

Q: When does a Gastly eat breakfast?

A: In the moaning.

 

872.

Q: Which Pokemon does Dracula like most?

A: Koffin’

 

873.

Q: What time is it when Yveltal takes your hat?

A: Time to get a new hat!

 

874.

Q: What’s better than one Pikachu?

A: PikaTWO

 

875.

Q: What happened when Cobalion ate the clown?

A: He felt funny!

 

876.

Q: Which Pokemon can tell you the future?

A: Pikahead

 

877.

Q: Why are Snorunt’s so cheap to have as a pokemon?

A: They live on ice.

 

878.

Q: What do you call a Pokemon that wants to be a police officer?

A: Magic-cop!

 

879.

Q: Which sci-fi movies do pokemon like the most?

A: Staryu Wars

 

880.

Q: What do you call a pokemon who likes to eat baked beans?

A: Goldbeen.

 

881.

Q: How do you hire a pokemon?

A: By putting it on stilts.

 

882.

Q: Which pokemon do soccer players like the most?

A: GOALduck

 

883.

Q: What is a Snover’s favorite shape?

A: ICE-osceles triangle.

 

884.

Q: Which college do pokemon go to?

A: StarU

 

885.

Q: How do you brush Gyarados’s teeth?

A: Very carefully

 

886.

Q: What type of pokemon would Jerry Garcia be?

A: A LegendJerry pokemon!

 

887.

Q: What did the judge say when a Skunktank came into the court?

A: Odor in the court!

 

888.

Q: What did the Pokemon say when he looked through the window?

A: Peek-at-choo!

 

889.

Q: What’s more amazing than a talking Metagross?

A: A spelling bee.

 

890.

Q: Which Pokemon should you bring to a barbecue?

A: Charizard.

 

891.

Q: What type of Pokemon are Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin and Elvis be?

A: Legendary Pokemon

 

892.

Q: Which Pokemon could also be a pirate?

A: Arrrrrr-bok

 

893.

Q: What do you call a Beartic that has no teeth?

A: A gummy bear.

 

894.

Q: Where do Haunter’s like to water ski?

A: Lake Erie

 

895.

Q: What do you call a Pikachu that can fix computers?

A: Geek-achu

 

896.

Q: What do you call a daredevil Weedle who does motorcycle stunts?

A: Weedle Knievell

 

897.

Q: What type of singers are pokemon the biggest fans of?

A: Pop Staryus

 

898.

Q: What do you call Meowth’s reflection?

A: A copycat

 

899.

Q: Which fruit do pokemon like most?

A: Staryu fruit

 

900.

Q: What do you get when you cross Mew and a snowman?

A: Frost bite

 

901.

Q: Where do you find pokemon?

A: It depends on where you lost them.

 

902.

Q: Where do Gourgeist’s go to send their mail?

A: The ghost office.

 

903.

Q: What desserts do Spiritombs like the most?

A: Boo-berry pie.

 

904.

Q: What did Mewtwo say to the flea?

A: Stop bugging me.

 

905.

Q: How can Beartic catch fish without using a fishing pole?

A: With your BEAR hands.

 

906.

Q: Why was the Meowth scared of the tree?

A: Because of its bark!

 

907.

Q: Why was Spiritomb such a messy eater?

A: Because he was always goblin’.

 

908.

Q: Where do Haunter’s buy their milk and eggs?

A: At the ghost-ery store

 

909.

Q: What do you call a Mega Metagross on thin ice?

A: An ice breaker.

 

910.

Q: What was it called when Meowth won the dog show?

A: A cat-has-trophy.

 

911.

Q: Where do Primal Groudon’s sit?

A: Anywhere they want to!

 

912.

Q: Why doesn’t Slowpoke like fast food?

A: Because they can’t catch it.

 

913.

Q: Which Gastly works in Town Hall?

A: The night-mayor.

 

914.

Q: What snack does Snowy Castform like to eat?

A: Brrrrrrrritos.

 

915.

Q: Where do pokemon go if their tails fall off?

A: A re-tail store.

 

916.

Q: How do you keep a Bulbasaur from charging?

A: Only accept cash.

 

917.

Q: What do you call a really cold Lillipup?

A: A pupsicle.

 

918.

Q: Which pokemon is always in a good mood?

A: Happiny

 

919.

Q: What kind of pizza does Lillipup like the most?

A: Pupperoni pizza.

 

920.

Q: What was the pokemon’s favorite ocean animal?

A: Staryu fish

 

921.

Q: What do you get when you cross an Australian pokemon with a Beatle?

A: Dingo Starr.

 

922.

Q: What TV show about dancing do pokemon love?

A: Dancing with the Staryus

 

923.

Q: Why did the Metagross spit out the clown?

A: Because he tasted funny.

 

924.

Q: What do Haunters send their friends while on vacation?

A: Ghostcards

 

925.

Q: Why did the Squirtle cross the ocean?

A: To get to the other tide!

 

926.

Q: Which Pokemon love to visit France?

A: Paras

 

927.

Q: What did one Geodude say to the other Geodude?

A: Let’s rock!

 

928.

Q: What’s Wailmer’s favorite TV show?

A: Whale of Fortune

 

929.

Q: What do Italian Gourgeist’s eat for dinner?

A: Spookgetti

 

930.

Q: What do you call it when Haunter gets too close to a camp fire?

A: A toasty ghosty.

 

931.

Q: What does Beartic like to eat?

A: Bear-ittos!

 

932.

Q: What did Articuno say to the Geodude musician?

A: You rock!

 

933.

Q: What’s Gourgeist favorite fruit?

A: Booberries.

 

Funny Puns for Kids

934.

If you don’t pay your exorcist, will you get repossessed?

 

935.

I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.

 

936.

A golf ball is a golf ball no matter how you putt it.

 

937.

If you need help building an ark, I Noah guy.

 

938.

My dog can do magic tricks.

It’s a labracadabrador.

 

939.

Never marry a tennis player.

Love means nothing to them.

 

940.

The best way to communicate with fish is to drop them a line.

 

941.

Learning how to collect trash wasn’t that hard, I just picked it up as I went along.

 

942.

I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises from.

Then it dawned on me.

 

943.

I’m very good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet.

I don’t know why.

 

944.

Never give your uncle an anteater.

 

945.

Would a cardboard belt be a waist of paper?

 

946.

Insect puns bug me.

 

947.

Whiteboards are remarkable.

 

948.

Q: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

A: Ten tickles.

 

949.

Q: Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?

A: He’s all right now.

 

950.

Q: Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants to the game?

A: In case he got a hole in one.

 

951.

Q: Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants to the game?

A: In case he got a hole in one.

 

952.

Q: Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants to the game?

A: In case he got a hole in one.

 

953.

When it came to getting even with my local bus company, I pulled out all the stops.

 

954.

I just walked past a shop that was giving out dead batteries free of charge.

 

955.

If a judge loves the sound of his own voice, expect a long sentence.

 

956.

I saw an advert that read: “Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.”

I thought to myself, I can’t turn that down.

 

957.

I tried to catch some fog.

I mist.

 

958.

I’ve been learning braille.

I’m sure I’ll master it once I get a feel for it.

 

959.

I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.

 

960.

Don’t drink with ghosts, they can’t handle their boos.

 

961.

Did you know taller people sleep longer in bed?

 

962.

I knew a couple who met in a revolving door.

I think they’re still going round together.

 

963.

I asked the lion in my wardrobe what he was doing there, he said it was “Narnia Business”.

 

964.

Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the point?

 

965.

Some people say I’m addicted to somersaults but that’s just how I roll.

 

966.

Those new corduroy pillows are making headlines.

 

967.

I was struggling to figure out how lightning works then it struck me.

 

968.

When it comes to cosmetic surgery, a lot of people turn their noses up.

 

969.

Sue broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine.

 

970.

I thought about becoming a witch, so I tried it for a spell.

 

971.

I have a speed bump phobia but I’m slowly getting over it.

 

972.

I often say to myself, “I can’t believe that cloning machine worked!”

 

973.

I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday.

I’ll tell you what, never again.

 

974.

I heard a funny joke about a boomerang earlier.

I’m sure it’ll come back to me eventually.

 

975.

I applied for a job at the local restaurant.

I’m still waiting.

 

976.

I asked my mom to make me a pair of pants.

She was happy to, or at least sew it seams.

 

977.

Q: What do you call Dracula with hayfever?
A: The pollen Count.

 

978.

I went to a restaurant last night and had the Wookie steak.

It was a little Chewy.

 

979.

Never lie to an x-ray technician.

They can see right through you.

 

980.

Broken puppets for sale.

No strings attached.

 

981.

My friend made a joke about a TV controller.

It wasn’t remotely funny.

 

982.

I’m working on a device that will read minds.
I’d love to hear your thoughts.

 

983.

If Satan ever lost his hair, there would be hell toupee.

 

984.

It was an emotional wedding.

Even the cake was in tiers.

 

985.

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth.

Then it becomes a soap opera.

 

986.

The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my house.

I didn’t know what to make of it.

 

987.

The other day a clown held the door open for me.

I thought it was a nice jester.

 

988.

There was a recent study that tried to pinpoint the effect that alcohol had on walking.

The result was staggering.

 

989.

My Grandma is having trouble with her new stair lift.

It’s driving her up the wall.

 

990.

Have you ever tried to eat a clock?

It’s very time consuming.

 

991.

What jumps from cake to cake and smells of almonds?

Tarzipan.

 

992.

There was a big paddle sale at the boat store.

It was quite an oar deal.

 

993.

I couldn’t work out how to fasten my seatbelt.

Then it clicked.

 

994.

Did you hear about those new reversible jackets?

I’m excited to see how they turn out.

 

995.

My friend’s bakery burned down last night.

Now his business is toast.

 

996.

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to hospital.

When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, the nurse said “No change yet”.

 

997.

A man just assaulted me with milk, cream and butter.

How dairy.

 

998.

What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bull-dozer.

 

999.

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to hospital.

When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, the nurse said “No change yet”.

 

1000.

How does Moses make his tea?

Hebrews it.

 

1001.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

 

1002.

Once you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.

 

1003.

The person who invented the door knock won the No-bell prize.

 

1004.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

 

1005.

I’d tell you my construction joke but I’m still working on it.

 

1006.

To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing!

 

1007.

I tried to finish the left-overs but… foiled again…

 

1008.

My sister was engaged to a man with a wooden leg but she broke it off.

 

1009.

I really wanted a camouflage shirt, but I couldn’t find one.

 

1010.

I’m glad I know sign language, it’s pretty handy.

 

1011.

When the cannibal showed up late for lunch, the others gave him the cold shoulder.

 

1012.

I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

 

1013.

Inspecting mirrors is a job I could really see myself doing.

 

These large compilation of jokes and puns are safe and  intended for kids but could also work great as a good humor for adults and an intellectually brain teasers.

 

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